Things Daddy’s Do (Or Don’t Do)
When The Mama must be away, the darling Dad’s are in charge. This can lead to some unconventional methods of clothing the children, feeding them, “watching” them, etc. Over time I have amassed a small treasure trove of stories from my gal pals - and I’m hoping people will comment and add more because I know the stories are out there!
Story 1. The Mama must be away, leaving infant first born daughter with attorney father. Attorney: Implied intelligence, finished college (even if he drank his way thru, he still finished). Now, Dad did not have to watch the baby all day, only get her to day care. Simple, right? So at the end of the working day Mom showed up to the day care provider to reclaim said baby girl. It’s like….July, and the baby is dressed…..as Tigger. Head to toe, warm & fleece fuzzy (in JULY), a Tigger suit. Embarrassed, The Mama realized that her husband had chosen ( out of the myriad of adorable, matchy-matchy-froo-froo outfits, out of a stuffed closet full of first born cuter-than-crap bordering on baby couture choices) that Daddy in his infinite wisdom, had chosen the baby’s Halloween costume from last fall! Say what? The new Mom, only using day care a couple of days a week as it was, uncomfortably reclaimed her Tigger baby and headed home to ‘question’ The Daddy. 
But Tigger didn’t care. She just sucked her fist happily, bouncing along for the ride as Tiggers do.
2. The Mama must be away for the day. The dad had his hands full with 3 boys under the age of 9. When mom reconvened with the family for the evening meal they ordered pizza because Mom had been sick and running all day. The older two boys in particular were wolfing down their pizza - gorging with inspirational gusto. Mom said, “Hey, what’s up? What did you eat for lunch?” Son #1 said, “Nothing.” Dad, feeling a bit perplexed and perhaps beginning to feel the heat said, “Oh, I’m sure we had something.” Now here’s the beauty part. Confidently and with a shade of indignance #1 lets the cat out of the bag with, “Sure, 2 Oreo’s.” Two Oreo’s? Hahahhahahaha. This dad, Mr. CPA, apparently forgot how to count the meals he needed to provide for the day. But no one starved to death. Tho Mom got the chance to shoot her *very special look* at Daddy. And perhaps she acquired some future ammo….
You know, it makes you wonder about leaving the house??? The basics!! We’re talking the basics here!!
In general, the thing I’ve noticed that separates the Mom’s from the Dad’s most obviously is a phenomenon I like to call “glance time.” When a mother is with her children, whether it’s at home but especially in public, she glances at her children about every 3-5 seconds. Understand, that you can glance with your eyes or your ears, but no matter how many directions the crap-is-aflyin’, that Mom - is glancing. Dads? I’ve observed dad’s going many minutes without glancing. I think they assume that if no one is screaming, things are fine - and truth be told, that’s probably more correct than I’d like to admit. Today’s children are micro-managed like fragile cells in a petrie dish. We hover over them like neurotic scientists with OCD. Oh yeah, you were 20 seconds too late collecting your kid from the yard when she was almost murdered by the riding mower. There’s no accounting for diligence. You can be diligent as hell and still get your kid killed or stolen.
Back to the fluff. The clothes, the food, and should we even GO to ‘the hair’? If the Daddy has daughters, there is NO TELLING what their hair is going to look like. Trolls gone wild?
I guess we could all relax a tad and use the yard stick: If it isn’t life endangering or morally threatening to their immortal souls, maybe it’ll be all right. And now, I’m wimping out. I’m frankly too tired to share more stories - - - I had to take Estelle back to the surgeon yesterday so they could remove a cast, look at the leg and then apply a new cast. Problem being, the new cast was applied WRONG, and she was awake crying last night because it hurt, so this morning I got up and took it off my damn self. Dr. Mom strikes again. And it’s the weekend, so good luck getting any health care, right? Right.
Signing Out,
Tired Feisty Housewife
I have one - Mom was at work, Dad had the day off (during the week since he had to work every other weekend) so kids did not go to daycare. Mom woke Dad, told him she was leaving for work - all is well. Mom gets home at regular time, walks into the house and it’s REALLY quiet….too quiet. She sees Dad’s car home, but can’t see or hear anyone in the yard, kitchen, dining room, living room or bathroom. Definitely worried, she checks baby girls’ room. Angel-girl (8 mo old) is sound asleep - at 5:15 pm!! She checks Baby Boy’s (21 mos. old) room - also sound asleep and very sweaty looking. She checks her bedroom, no husband in sight. So, she starts dinner - silently freaking out and 20 minutes later Dad comes whistling into the house. Mom freaks out because Dad left the kids indoors, asleep, unattended for at least 20 minutes - no worries, he made sure he really wore them out and didn’t give them naps earlier (like noon when they were supposed to be asleep) so that he could get them asleep and go pick blueberries in the woods next to the house! Mom has no sense of humor!
Comment by Lisa — May 10, 2008 @ 9:29 pm
Ahhhh….the casts. Andrew went through serial casting on both legs and he has sensory issues with high anxiety. He picked cool colors for the casts: one orange, the other black (for halloween), red and green striped for Christmas,etc, BUT they had to be cut off every week too. BUZZER?! BUZZER?! NO! NO BUZZER!! And then to try and hold him still while they hardened. Some staff were very caring, while others should have been trash haulers so they didn’t have to pick up living little people and threaten them for being so scared.
By the way, I won’t tell you if you will be me with my DQ down the road with your Chuda. I wouldn’t want to scare you. ;o)
Comment by Linda — May 11, 2008 @ 1:20 am
Linda, I think I am already afraid….very afraid. Yikes!
I actually took the scissors from the lady who was trying to ‘help’ remove the cast yesterday. She was more suited to trash hauling or sumo wrestling.
Comment by Donna — May 11, 2008 @ 1:27 am
A few years ago I returned to work and husband was in charge of getting the kid ready and to daycare. I would pick her up and she’d be wearing a dress 2 sizes too big (something I’d be saving) or very mismatched items. She looked like an orphan!
I agree w/ all the hovering…unfortunately I’m one of those moms. I’m making a big effort to back off a bit but it’s hard!
The other day I was thinking of how at my daughter’s age (9 almost 10) I’d go to the corner store and pick up items for my mom, ride my bike, walk to the park, etc., yet I won’t let mine out of my sight…I really do need to back off a bit!LOL
Comment by Eos — May 11, 2008 @ 5:29 am
Never back off when they are little! Hover, Hover, Hover when they are little. Things are not as safe as they were when we were growing up! Protect them until they are 18! Then let go… When they are adults, that is the time not to hover. Too many things go bad out there, ain’t nothin’ wrong with too much love and protection!! Leaving 10 year olds at home alone, not a good idea or letting them ride bikes places unattended, NO! Eos, keep hovering!
Comment by Athena — May 11, 2008 @ 12:00 pm
When I was pregnant with child #2 (Katie, the one who is now getting married), I had a doctor’s appointment so hubby stayed home with child #1, Kjirsten. I had mentioned that we should probably get Kjirsten’s hair cut soon because her bangs were hanging in her eyes. “Helpful” hubby decided to cut her bangs himself while I was gone. They ended up being over an inch above her eyebrows. I told people that Kjirsten did it herself.
And then there was the recent incident…
Daddies. You gotta love ‘em. I guess. ~Kari
Comment by kari — May 11, 2008 @ 12:24 pm
When I’m gone, Hubby makes one of a few things for meals: pizza, mac & cheese, or Hamburger Helper. No matter what it is, anything he makes includes a can of corn. Not fresh corn, not even frozen corn, but a can of corn. Makes me glad I’m gone during those meals.
Comment by Mary — May 11, 2008 @ 7:54 pm
LOVE the glance time … but I’ve seen some dad’s who glance more than the mom’s. But even they don’t have that woman’s intuition, so they’re glances are always a little off or too late.
Don’t have a hubby though - so problem solved. : )
Love seeing that married women make fun of men too.
Comment by mssinglemama — May 12, 2008 @ 7:11 am
Ohhhhh missinglemama - married women make LOTS of fun of their husbands (not all women) and I was actually walking a fence when I penned this entry about Things Daddy’s Do. Didn’t want to come off as a reigning member of the “Man Haters” club. However, if you get married women really talking about it, many will confess that it might not be so bad doing it without the man. Their “3rd” or “4th” child…often, the husbands require just enuf maintenance to make them a pain in the behind more than a helpful set of hands. But sshhh, don’t tell anyone I said that. I’ll get roasted over a fire pit with a big “I” emblazoned on my forehead for “Ingrate”…..
Comment by feistyhw — May 12, 2008 @ 12:09 pm
Aww, I feel so lucky (go ahead, get your rotten tomatoes ready) my DH is a SAHD and very attuned to the Monkey man. He definitely has trouble picking clothes that match so I do lay out outfits the night before, lol.
We were at the park yesterday SURROUNDED by dads and kids (very few moms, I hope they were sleeping in!) He was critiquing these guys like you wouldn’t believe. He is the snarkiest man I’ve ever met.
At one point a dad with 3 kids, the middle one was a boy around 7 and VERY bratty*, LEFT the park with the two that were behaving as he was threatening over his shoulder to leave the 7 year old behind if he didn’t hurry up. Hubby scoffed “That NEVER works.” (OK, I don’t want to know how he knows that!)
And, no, it didn’t work. Dad had to come back in and CARRY the 7 year old boy out of the park.
*That bugger told my autistic, FX 4 y/o boy to stop screaming like a girl. Monkey was just so HAPPY to see the slide
I wanted to pop the little booger 
Comment by Umma — May 12, 2008 @ 2:02 pm
I hope when I’m a dad I show more sense than this.
Comment by asad123 — May 12, 2008 @ 4:13 pm
Hey asad123 - If you’re aiming to be a good dad with good sense who’s willing to do the work, that’s the best assurance that you’ll be a kick-butt father some day! Hopefully you’ll have a great “glance time”…
And Umma - good for YOU, getting a snarky (LOL) excellent kid watcher for a husband! Your comment cracked me up about the other kids & dads in the park, particularly the bratty 7 year old who probably *needed* to be popped a good one. Bet that dad wishes he could have left that little charmer behind for a while! HA! Sounds like he deserved it, picking on a 4 y/o. Shameful.
Comment by feistyhw — May 12, 2008 @ 5:24 pm
My husband takes care of the kids when I can’t, and he does an awesome job. I must admit, I felt as if this blog was lumping all fathers together as types that, because of either gender or family role, cannot take proper care of their offspring.
My husband cooks three meals for them when I am gone, dresses them in appropriate (and matching) clothing, keeps them clean, and the house remains tidy, as well. Our daughter is four, and our son is eighteen months.
Also happen to know a few friends with similar good men…
Funny stories, though. Loved the Tigger one!
Comment by Shyanne — May 12, 2008 @ 6:44 pm
A dad’s view:
1. “glance time”
I turned the boy out with a bb gun, bike and fishing pole early. Zero glance time.
Up until then he had to stay within a two mile radius of the house on a peninusla.
2. “Dr.Mom”
My son would not have gone to the doctor in the first place.
I set his broken finger at home.
But Dr. Mom take control cannot take the advice she paid for.
3. Clothes style for infants-
That is too neurotic and self absorbed to remark about.
4. “Surviving ONE day on food dad tossed out”
Be happy you have so much money you have junk food to shovel your kids.
I commercial fished for three years on an island in Texas- Thanksgiving flounder was the highpoint of eating in the year.
You ladies are worried about things that have no real importance.
I raised my son alone from 4 months of age, rough times and travels, but took him to church on Sundays and a library every week.
He is 6′2″ a Duke University Grad and an Officer and a Gentelman in the Army.
Lighten up ladies: these kids are tough and durable.
Comment by batguano101 — May 13, 2008 @ 3:08 pm
WOW, Mr. Batguano. Refreshing point of view. Congratulations on your fine, upstanding son.
The only part of your commentary that I’m going to respond to is #2. “Dr. Mom - My son would not have gone to the doctor in the first place. I set his broken finger at home. But Dr. Mom take control cannot take the advice she paid for.” My baby girl was almost hacked to death by a riding lawn mower. We’ve been thru more trauma, pain, loss of limb and agony than you could shake your commercial fishing pole at. And when Mr. Doctor’s underlings set her foot wrong on a Friday night because they all wanted the hell outta there, it was up to me to remedy it on Saturday morning. So I did. Kids are tough, but they DO break. Just ask my little girl, missing most of her right foot, her index finger on on her left hand and most of that thumb, and a left foot that’s been trussed together with bailing wire and duct tape instead of what mother nature intended.
And I was making fun of how overstuffed babies closets are. Sorry, my wryness got right past ‘ya.
Feisty Bloggin’ Housewife
Comment by feistyhw — May 13, 2008 @ 6:19 pm
AND OOOOHHH YEAH- We pay for medical advice all right. And I’m happy to pay for the good stuff. Yet here we are, paying for crap. I’m certain we’ve paid for that Friday night delight “Mis-casting”. Twice now my daughter has been incorrectly casted by this group. That’s about two times too many.
Comment by feistyhw — May 13, 2008 @ 7:02 pm